Paradise Lost
by amyandrorywilliams
Summary: Rose and Tentoo have exactly what they want. They can settle down as humans and grow old together. They have their paradise. Everything's perfect. But how long can perfect really last?


The sun was bright, it was a beautiful day. A bit sunnier than usual in London. The air had the distinctive smell of salt. The wind was blowing.

She had hated beaches ever since Bad Wolf Bay. He knew she did too. There had to be a good reason to why they were there.

* * *

"I've got a surprise for you." He said in a cheerful voice. He had a grin that made her suspect he was up to something.

"I love surprises."

She missed them. Didn't get too many of them staying on one planet. She loved him so much. But every once in a while she got nostalgic for her days with the Doctor. The other Doctor.

That blue box. She dreamt about it. He did too.

Neither of them mentioned it to each other. If they didn't talk about it maybe they wouldn't miss it so much. The way the Tardis would shake them around, have them bump into each other and have to hold hands to keep steady. She suspected the Doctor told her to do that on purpose, just so he could have an excuse to hold her hand. He was such a teenager sometimes.

Not to mention the way he'd get up in the middle of the night, awakened by a nightmare. He'd never say exactly what it was about, but she had some suspicions. He had 900 years' worth of memories to sort through, not to mention the Time War.

Of course in the morning she'd always wake up with him next to her, and they'd do some of their own exploring.

"Nothing is ever dull anywhere Rose. There are approximately 7 billion people alive right now, breathing and discovering all sorts of new things every second of every day. There's always a new adventure."

This whole surprise bit was so like him she almost refused to, fearing he'd come to her with another horse, pleading that they'd keep it. But there they were, sitting on a beach. A blue checkered blanket lay beneath them, the wind would blow up specks of sand every once in a while. He sat there with his sunglasses and bright blue suit, looking rather ridiculous.

He reached into his pockets and suddenly there was a picnic basket sitting between them.

She regarded it skeptically, "I'm not eating anything coming from your pockets. How long has that been there anyway?"

He gave a smile and explained, "I've had them dimensionally expanded. They're bigger on the inside."

She chuckled, her blonde hair blowing in the wind. "You've been waiting a long time to use that line haven't you?"

He shrugged, trying to look cool, "Well..."

When he realized she didn't really want an answer, he reached next to him and pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider. Neither of them fancied alcohol very much.

He popped the cork and poured both of them a glass.

"So this is the surprise then? A date?"

"Not exactly."

She had never heard him use so little words in his life. He must be nervous.

She opened the picnic basket and pulled out the contents. When she saw what it was she looked back up at him. A small, intimate smile on her face.

"Chips." She placed them on the blanket and scooted closer to him.

"Our first date, remember?" He held something in his hand and went on, "Remember when I met you. I was so full of anger and revenge and you fixed me? I knew it the second I met you Rose Tyler. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it, and I truly hope you'll forgive me for that-

She cut him off by wrapping her arms around him and pulling him towards her. They shared a brief kiss, before he broke away and finished, "Rose Tyler. I love you. I'll always love you. Forever. Will you marry me?"

She stared at him incredulously, and he began to look uncertain. He opened his mouth to apologize when she began to kiss him again.

After a moment she replied, "Of course you idiot! Took you long enough."

* * *

She held out the pregnancy test and tapped her fingers nervously on the counter. She had to wait for three minutes for the results. She placed it on the table and took deep breaths.

There was a rapping on the door, and the Doctor's worried tone rang through the door, "Rose, are you alright?"

Rose's unsteady voice answered, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Rose, I'm coming in."

She didn't want him to find out until she knew definitively whether she was pregnant. He had lost too many people. He never mentioned it but she knew he must have a large family on Gallifrey he had loved. She couldn't do that to him. She knew how it felt to lose someone you loved. She had lost him before.

"No, don't! Really I'm fine!"

He didn't listen, and she didn't really believe he would. He threw the door open and immediately spotted the test sitting on the sink counter and glanced up at Rose, a mix between nervous and excited filled his eyes.

"Rose?" The way he said her name, soft and full of love. She couldn't look at the results. What if it was positive? What was it like to have some sort of genius, kind of Time Lord child growing inside of you?

She handed him the results and he took it. He smiled and grabbed her hand. Warmth spread through her.

"It's positive."

She took it from him, and stared at it. Two solid pink lines.

"Our kid, he won't have two hearts or three heads or anything will he?" She asked, the concept of having a kid with the Doctor seemed so strange. An image of a toddler wobbling around the Tardis came to mind, which was so ridiculous she fought a laugh.

He replied, "Who says it's going to be a he? I'll bet you ten pounds it's a girl."

"Oh great parents we're going to be. Betting on the gender of our son." Rose said the test still in her hand. How was she supposed to raise a kid? Watching the Doctor was hard enough. She worked in a shop, she was barely in her twenties, how could she raise a child?

"I don't think I can do this."

The Doctor took the pregnancy test out of her hand and threw it into the trash can. "We will be fantastic parents Rose. I promise you. We'll raise the best little girl in the universe."

* * *

"I'm getting tired of these surprises Doctor. I can't quite move as fast as I used to you know."

She could practically feel his grin through her blindfold.

"It's only a little bit further!" He insisted, and continued leading her by the arm. He liked having her actually listen to her for once.

She followed a couple steps further, and then they stopped. He removed the blindfold.

Rose could hardly believe it. The walls were painted bright blue, Tardis blue. Stars that seemed to be glowing were scattered across the walls, the ceiling. The whole room looked as if it were right in the center of space.

Sitting in the center of the room was a crib. It was made out of a light colored wood, and had Gallifreyan carved into it.

"It's like the crib I used. It has Gallifreyan on it; it'll make our daughter feel comfortable."

Rose was shocked, "You made this? It isn't going to collapse or anything is it?"

"Well..."

Rose started, "What-

He laughed, "I'm just joking, of course it's sound. I'm 903 years old I think I know how to build a crib!"

Rose swatted him playfully and then said, "So, I was thinking about names? If we have a girl- which I'm not saying we will, but if we do- How about Donna?"

The Doctor met her eyes. His were blanketed with sadness, but also hope, and love. He missed his best mate. He had loved her so much.

"That's a brilliant name. Donna Tyler. Sounds like music. Our daughter's going to be a tough one she is. With a mom like you."

"More like a big nerd, with a dad like you." They both laughed, things were good. They were in love.

Rose went downstairs and tidied up the kitchen.

As soon as she left his grin instantly vanished. A searing burst of pain was the only thing he could feel. His head was on fire, it had to be. The pain he felt was so severe. All of time, everything that ever had happened or will, or could, was flying around in his brain and it was too much. He fell to the floor. He was on his hands and knees trying to steady himself. The pain wouldn't go away.

The Time War, his granddaughter, Donna, everyone he had ever lost was whirling in his brain. The pain was overwhelming. He couldn't let out a scream. Rose was downstairs, he couldn't do that to her. He had promised her forever. He couldn't let her know what was happening.

He thought about other things, Rose, his daughter. Jackie Tyler. Jackie Tyler and her annoying habit of rambling about rubbish things. Jackie's son, Tony. He just learned to talk.

Rose and him on the beach. The day he proposed to her.

The pain vanished. He panted, and steadied himself against the wall. He stood up, and let out a breath of relief. He told himself it was temporary. It was a side effect. It would go away, it had to.

* * *

She was panting, and covered in sweat. She was a pristine hospital room. Everything was clean and sanitized around her, so much that it felt like a prison. She could feel the Doctor standing next to her, his presence was the only thing that calmed her. She wouldn't have made it without him. Having him there made everything feel right.

The nurse handed her a bundle of cloth, and Rose saw the tiny face of her child. A bubbling laugh came out of Rose's mouth and she said, "It's a girl."

The Doctor was beaming, "Well of course she is! Ten pounds?"

Rose replied, "You never paid me my ten after the bet on the Queen. I wonder if the royal family in this universe are werewolves." She cradled the girl in her hand, holding her close. She had her father's bright, intelligent eyes.

The Doctor's face was happy for a moment, but then it contorted.

Memories flowed through him , over nine hundred years of space and time in a human brain. The pain was unbelievable and he clenched his fists to resist screaming out in pain. He shouted loudly and unevenly, "Rose! Talk about something else. Anything else please! Your mum? How's your mum doing? Tell me about Jackie and Pete and Tony."

Rose's face was stricken, and she rapidly responded, "Doctor? What's going on? Ok um, my mum's doing fine. She's gotten a new job at a restaurant. My dad's been staying home and watching Tony. He's in his two's now."

He focused on Rose. He couldn't die. He didn't want to. It wouldn't be fair. This was paradise.

A nice alternate universe where they could play house and live together and make everything perfect. Maybe not for forever like he had promised, but for long enough. Growing old together.

He imagined them sitting next to each other on a porch. Sitting in rocking chairs and watching grandkids run around. That's what he had promised her. That's what he was going to give her.

The pain subsided. He was dizzy, but he managed to stand up. He rested against the hospital bed and assured her, "I'm fine. Can I hold her? Please?"

Rose's face was stricken and white as a sheet. She would not lose him again.

She handed him their daughter and he lightly kissed her. "We're going to be fine Rose."

"Only a few more minutes honey." He assured his daughter from the steering wheel. He glanced behind him and said, "You're going to love the beach. There's sand and waves and Hippoidea that you can catch, it's going to be brilliant."

"You're trying to be clever aren't you? Hippdidea are just sand crabs dad." Rose's face lit up and she laughed.

The Doctor admitted, "You caught me. Between the two of you I'll never be able to impress anyone ever again."

Donna, her short blonde hair glimmering in the car said frankly, "That's ok Dad, you still impress Mommy."

The Doctor's eyebrows rose in surprise, and he looked quite pleased with himself. Rose avoided his eyes and blushed.

She spoke to her daughter, "Why don't you finish coloring in your book Donna."

The Doctor stopped the car and opened the car door. "No point, we're here!"

In the middle of the beach there was a huge blanket laid out. A buffet of sorts was set up; juice, fish, and chips. Everything that was needed for a good outing. Closer to the water was a few buckets, little shovels, and nets.

Donna ran off to go crab hunting, and the Doctor and Rose sat on the blanket.

Rose had a bad feeling about today.

The sun was bright, it was a beautiful day. Sunny and bright, the day foretold no air had the distinctive smell of salt. The wind was blowing.

The Doctor bit into chips and then said, "I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you. Rose Tyler. Remember when I proposed to you here? It was in this exact spot. Do you want to know why I picked it? You hate beaches. It wasn't exactly getting me any points."

Rose said worriedly, "Doctor... what's going on?"

"I picked it because when I left you in this parallel universe, seeing you standing on this beach while I was universes away in my Tardis, I realized it. How absolutely in love with you I was. And to me, that was the worst part of it. You told me you loved me, but I couldn't tell you. So I left knowing that. That if things were different we could be together. But you didn't. You were here for ages without knowing anything. Thinking I'd left you behind because I didn't care about you. So I had to. I had to turn the beach from somewhere you hated, to somewhere you were proposed to. I didn't want it to be a memory of despair, I wanted you to feel like I did. Sad, but knowing that you were loved. Love. Such a human emotion don't you think?"

Rose grew more anxious, he wouldn't say this. Any of this unless he thought... "Doctor? Why are you telling me this? We're just going on an outing. Me, you, Donna."

An image of a bright red hair flashed through his mind. He saw them, all of them. His family. Martha, Jack, Donna, his mother. The Time Lords. Everyone he had murdered in his ten lifetimes. All at once. It was unbelievable. He could barely see Rose anymore. All of time was flashing before him. He wanted to see it. He missed all of them, being able to think clearly about them. Holding his friends in his mind was all he could do. Not even being able to do that was cruel.

Rose grasped his hand, glancing to make sure Donna was not seeing this.

Her touch brought him back into focus and she leaned over him. She spoke quickly and frantically, "You're going to be fine Doctor. You're just sorting through your mind I'm sure it's only temporary-

He groaned and then seized up, "I'm going to die Rose. And before I do, I want you to promise me that you're going to take good care of Donna. Tell her what happened to me. Tell her about my home and Gallifrey and the Tardis. Tell her about the mad man who traveled through space with her mum. That little girl needs you Rose. Allons-y, Rose Tyler. I love you."

Rose entangled her arms with his. She "But you said forever. You promised me Doctor! Forever!"

The Doctor grinned in a familiar, nostalgic way. "Rule one, the Doctor lies."

The life was burning out of him. She could see it. He was leaving her, quickly.

"I love you." She said tears streaming down her face.

His face was brilliantly alive for a moment, "Rose Tyler-

His eyes shut. He was still.

She waited for the burst and light of regeneration. Nothing happened.

She wiped away the chip crumbs off his shirt and rested her head against him.

The chips, the first and last thing her Doctor had ever eaten. Rose Tyler's paradise was gone. He had left her. Again.

This time he wasn't coming back.


End file.
